I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
