he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
