Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
