Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
