I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
