READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Houston, we have a blender
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
