Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
