when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
