I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
