shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
