If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
