i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
