Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
