I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
