When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
