My vagina just recognized that song.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
