You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
