i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
