if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
