the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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