I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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