so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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