I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
