Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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