put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
