We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
