I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
