your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
