Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
