Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
