Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
