Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
