what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
