just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
