Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
