oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
farters have to be the big spoon...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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