See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
