These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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