i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
