My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
