Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
