I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
