Your dad touched me again.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
