Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
