He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
