Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
