I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
