my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
