I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
