I wish I only lived at night.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
