Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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