hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
