sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
