Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Please don't give away my fajitas
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
