I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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