operation have a gay friend backfired
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
