alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
