would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
