I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
