so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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