Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry about my life...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My bed smells like the plague
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