He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
