I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
