True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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