She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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