I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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