I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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