she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
be right there i have to get my cape
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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