Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
