alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
