half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize