If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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