New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Text me some of your sweat
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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