Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
