If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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