Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
