i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I didn't shave. On purpose
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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