you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
