also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
