I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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