Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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