WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
