my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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