Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
