Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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