wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
