somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
