Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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