fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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