Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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