3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I looked at my own cervix.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
