I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
