I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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