So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize